Nerves
I begin my training on the 1st of May. This is in 3 days. Why, that is awfully close. This has resulted in several moments of panic catch up on me, with internal dialogues such as:
“What if I don’t put my contact lens on in time at the baths? Glasses will surely break in training and I can’t see.”
“I hear the baths is only 5 jugs of water in a minute. And you’re naked”
“Oh no, but I don’t want to be naked!”
“This titanic problem cannot be solved with overthinking, we’re afraid.”
…
“What if I can’t eat anything!?”
“Well, you need to eat, or you’ll foolishly starve to death. And we’ll be so embarrassed. And angry.”
“But what if it’s spicy!? What if it’s weird?”
“But Ed, in times past, you are the king of weird things. Besides, you won’t make friends if you are fussy. Relax; you’ve had ant eggs salad with ants yesterday. And some other questionable cuisines already. Like you beloved chicken knuckles and duck’s ass. It won’t be so bad to try some more.”
“Huh. Perhaps you are right… Hey, how about I act like I haven’t tried something, and then eat it?! That’s brilliant! They’ll think I’m trying new things when I’m really not.”
“… Um-”
“-And then I won’t have to try anything else! ”
“… As long as we don’t get diarrhoea, I suppose…”
“Fuck. Diarrhoea.”
“You know it’s going to happen.”
…
“What if the base has ghosts?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’ll be sleeping with so many other people.”
“But what if I’m next to a window?! Or the door! We all know open doors and windows allow ghosts passage!”
“Shut up.”
…
“Everybody tells us to be wary of homosexual people in the army. It’s not like I’m going to get raped.”
“It might be different in Thailand. It’s obvious people have different opinions than in New Zealand.”
“Huh. This is probably the single most often thing people tell me. But this does not worry me at all. It’s not like suddenly you like guys and drop all morals.”
“Right. Remember, our Mothers say to call her if you’re going to get raped.”
“Yes, like I’d have time. ‘Hey Mom, I’m about to get raped; I’d run away but I had to call you first.’”
“And to think she laughed at us when I told her that.”
…
“You’re going to have your phone stolen like your shoes, you know that? And your iPod. Don’t take it.”
“But I’m going to be so bored!”
“Lucky you. It’s not like they’re going to stay with you.”
“Hey! How about I make friends with everyone first, THEN take them into the base? Then no one would steal my stuff.”
“Good luck with doing that to about 100 people.”
“Fine. $10 phone it is.”
…
And myriads of other stuff swirls in my head. Maybe it’ll be like a boarding school, complete with its own murder mystery and eccentric characters, whilst everybody still manages to have fun. Like Hogwarts.
I could only hope.
